Lost in Space

Yesterday felt like an out of body experience. I was standing on the outside floating in space, looking in. I woke up with a 100 degree F temperature. My tenth day of having a fever and feeling the zombie syndrome. Lorraine called me at 9:15 am telling me CLA had an apartment we could use for ten days for Vance, Kyle and I.  Kyle is one of their clients and is in need of temporary accommodations, so this is a special exception.  I met her half an hour later down town to look at the apartment. Lorraine is a bubbly woman and I always enjoy chatting with her. She comments that I look like I’ve lost weight, I have, about eight pounds and I look like death-warmed-over. The apartment is beside an old church. I was pleasantly surprised at how cute it was, and agreed to take it. I lived in a lot of dingy places as a child with a single mom. This looked nicer than any of them. I thanked Lorraine for CLA’s generosity, since they were our angels today.

Our new home for ten days.

Kids: I go to the grocery store to get Aryanna some orange juice and drop if off at Charity’s apartment. Their apartment is small, and with Eythan and Aryanna there they are all living on top of one another. Aryanna had the stomach flu for 48 hours and there is one bathroom. Today she is feeling a bit better. Charity is feeling more sick with sinus and respiratory issues.

Moving: I went home and grabbed garbage bags, since our suitcases would have mold spores. I packed all our clothes, toiletries and food we would need for a months. Then sat down at the table exhausted and fevered. Our insurance agent called back and told us they may possibly cover the damage and we were on the phone for an hour. At one point I am so overwhelmed I cry. Vance wraps his arms around me and we cry together. We aren’t crying because we are leaving our home, we are crying because we will have to conquer all the battles of autism outside the safety of our locked down home. We have no clue how this is going to go down. Life for the next month has no plan to it….none whatsoever.

I brought everything downtown to the new apartment, my little Ford escape packed to the top with garbage bags of clothes and food. Vance stayed behind to meet the restoration company and take care of everything that needed to be done to close the house up till we are back. I take all the food and toiletries into the apartment and hope no one stabs me in the back while I’m doing it. I’m just a tad paranoid. It takes a while to Kyle-proof  the apartment. The kitchen is a walk through. I drag the dressers out of each bedroom and put one in front of each doorway leading in and out of the kitchen.  All  the toilet paper, toilet brushes and plungers need to be taken out of the bathroom. I use a garbage bag to tie the knobs on the cabinet together, so he can’t get to the harmful cleaners.  All our food goes in the bedroom, except what goes in the fridge. When I’m satisfied, I lock the apartment and head to the laundry mat.

Mold: Our clothes need to be washed in Chlorox to kill the mold spores. I drag all the stuff into the laundry mat. A tiny lady around age thirty-five, starts helping me. We get chatting. She’s a single mom, and her and her four kids are living in a one bedroom apartment right now. She has it worse than me and is helping me, I wonder if she’s an angel. I want to cry, I’m feeling very emotional today. I fill twelve washing machines with our clothes and sit down. I talk to myself when I’m fevered, thankfully the laundry mat is empty by now.

Where one can talk to one’s self without looking crazy.

My mom messages me asking me how I’m doing? I tell her I’m at the laundry mat. She tells me if she could drive she would have come helped me….I know she would have. She understands what it’s like to be tossed about and feel disjointed from life. I love my mom. Two hours later I am done.

Kyle: Vance is at the apartment he stopped at Home Depot to get specialized handles to put on a couple of the doors: the one to our bedroom and the one door that leads out of our apartment. He says we need straps to put around the fridge, it has an upper and lower door. I run to the store to get them, since I’m already out, and grab some groceries too.

I get to our new temporary home and we unpack all the groceries before Kyle gets there. Heather pulls up with Kyle but he refuses to come in. Vance goes out to coax him in and it takes twenty minutes. Kyle comes in asking, “Home, home , home.” He wants to go home. I’ve hidden a portable speaker below the end table in his room and Jason Crabb is playing. Kyle seems to calm down when he hears his favorite music. It’s kind of cute, he thinks his end table is some sort of music machine.

He eats supper and listens to music for a bit, then it’s time for bed. Vance and I are exhausted and emotionally drained. He worked from his phone all day in between all this. I volunteer to take the couch, since He is too big for it. He takes the bedroom with the double bed, which is too small for the two of us, it barely fits Vance. Kyle roams all night, he’s so thrown off by our move and keeps saying, “Home.” Eventually, I give him the couch and take the love seat.

I fever all night and break into hot and cold sweats, my bladder infection is causing pain and I am begging God to take all these symptoms away, before my antibiotic runs out in two days. I wake after a couple of hours of sleep. It’s 5 am and we forgot to grab our coffee maker when we left home. I boil coffee grinds in a pot of water. I take the hair elastic out of may hair and secure it around the top of my paper towel lined mug and filter my coffee. I always dreamed of being a Barista, I taste my coffee….maybe not. I sit down at my computer and catch up on things. Within 15 minutes I am feeling really good….I mean really good. I take my temp, it’s normal for the first time in ten days. Last night I posted in Kyle Needs Prayer and asked them to pray, many of them prayed.

Kyle’s FB prayer group.

My body also knows how to go into “survival mode” it’s done it over and over, for years. So a couple of hours of sleep last night is no big deal, especially since the fever is gone. I feel I can handle what ever today brings, hopefully it’s absolutely nothing. Kyle’s aide texts and says that she can’t take him today, she’s had a family emergency. All day tomorrow in this apartment…this might be tough. My faith is in this incredibly BIG God I serve. He can give us what we need to get through today.

Psalms 34:7-8 NKJV

The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him,

And delivers them.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good;

Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!

Believing and hoping.

Cindy Seaton

Author: cindyseaton69

I am the author of Beauty From Ashes: A Mother's Journey from Bitterness to Hope.