Atheism or Angry?

Goodbye air mattress, I will miss you…sniffle. Well, I know this is going to sound unbelievable but the apartment we are in has developed mold on the bathroom ceiling, due to there being no ceiling fan in the bathroom. I will talk more about it further down in this post.Vance went to meet the man who is going to do the estimate damage for the insurance company, at our old house yesterday. Kyle was in bed when he left and stayed in bed till 11:30 am when Vance came home. Charity came over for a visit. We had coffee together while she was on her laptop looking for a new apartment and I worked on this blog.

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Vance

Kyle: After Vance came home and ate lunch he decided to forgo his next meeting and took Kyle for a ride. I loaded up the car to do laundry at the laundry mat. Then I realized the liquid laundry soap was frozen solid and dragged everything back into the house with the frozen soap. I think I really just wanted an excuse to stay home and enjoy the quiet apartment.

Vance and Kyle slept at our house last night. With the time change each year we have to adjust Kyle’s medicine times. Vimpat is a fussy medicine. If we change it too many days in a row, Kyle starts to drool badly and it drives him crazy. This happened yesterday afternoon and caused him anxiety. He started setting off the carbon monoxide detector every time he went by it. Then he kept stripping his mattress and box spring off his bed and hitting the walls with it. He went in the bathroom, and peeled some chipped paint off the walls. We saw the mold on the ceiling and that was the last straw. Vance said he was going to take Kyle back to our house, and he would avoid showering Kyle in the moldy bathroom. I am joining them today after I pack up the apartment, and will not be going upstairs at all. If I start to get sick, I will move to a hotel.

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Devyn hanging with Mom.

Devyn came and stayed with me last night. We moved the dressers back into the bedrooms and could now walk in and out of the kitchen easily. We put a towel, soap and toilet paper in the bathroom and I left my computer on the table. We ate snacks on the couch, without hiding them while we watched a home renovating show. You know….the things you take for granted each day. Now’s a good time for you to thank God for the freedom you have in your own home. Freedom is beautiful, but so is relying on God daily. I’ve always wonder how people make it through hard times without God in their life.

God Loves the Atheist:

Years ago I accepted a friend request from another Cross Fitter that I had met at a competition. He friend requested everyone there and made a CrossFit group. I could see his personal posts each day and he claimed to be an atheist. One day we got in a discussion on Christianity or should I say a “calling names and rude words, discussion.” He was a very, very angry atheist! It eventually came out, not directly, but I read between the lines, someone very close to him had been molested by a Catholic priest and now he hated God. He would call me the nastiest things as I tried to share God’s love with him. He told me I just wanted to be a christian, so I could have a cushy life. How could I even start to explain, cushy life … I wish!

At that time I was angry with God too, he had left my son in a very sick state. I assured him I wasn’t remaining a christian for the cushy life. I didn’t get into it with him, about my life. I just knew he needed God. But I was a bit of a hypocrite at the time and I was fence riding. I would jump back and forth, from loving God to hating God.

I believe there are real atheists, and they truly believe there is no God, and they are not angry at those who believe there is a God. If there is no God and that’s what a person believes, why get angry at them? We need to be respectful when sharing our religious beliefs, no matter what religion we are.  Something I am always working on.

Once I gave up my bitterness, I decided I wanted to love God no matter what my life was like (I’m scared to even type this)….the devil has been sifting me ever since. He wants me to crumble and give up my faith. I won’t lie: it’s hard to remain joyful during chaos and to keep trusting God, every step of the way.

Somehow our lives bring more glory to God when we are in the dung praising him, then when we are on the podium. I feel like I’m in the dung right now. I write in a fevered state of 99.3 this morning, but I love this awesome God who gave his only child he ever had …to me. He allowed him to die the most cruel death, so I could one day have the most beautiful, eternal life you could ever possibly imagine!

I just have to survive the dung …. I don’t know how much longer, but my eyes are on heaven, where my Savior is. The place where I will never wallow in dung again, but sit at the feet of Jesus, the one who has carried me through the dung. I won’t pretend that you will have a cushy life if you come to  love Jesus. You won’t….that comes later. But you can have peace and joy … no matter what life throws at you.

Isaiah 9:6 NKJV

For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given;

And the government will be upon His shoulder.

And His name will be Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Believing and Hoping.

Cindy Seaton

Author: cindyseaton69

I am the author of Beauty From Ashes: A Mother's Journey from Bitterness to Hope.