Have you ever asked God for a sign to confirm a decision you were making? I have many times, and most times I was not given one. For a couple of years, friends and family in Kyle’s Facebook prayer group had been telling me I should write a book. My answer was always quick ….. NO! I absolutely 110% did not want to, or ever have a desire to write a book…ever!
About twenty years ago this seed was first planted in my cold, dry heart. My dear friend Dawn Offord, who was about the same age as my mother, mentioned to me one day that I needed to keep a journal because one day I was going to write a book. At the time I thought that was the dumbest idea I had ever heard! Me write a book? Seriously? I couldn’t even stay still for ten minutes, plus I hated God. What was I going to write about? My hate and resentment towards God?
I didn’t even enjoy writing or yet grasp how to write a simple essay. So, I put it way in the back of my mind and slammed the door….
Many years later I started an FB prayer group for my son Kyle, who had autism and was very sick with other health issues. I wrote a couple of sentences for the very first post. My writing began to develop over four years, and as it grew, and my bitterness started to peel away, people in the group began suggesting I write a book.
I hated the idea! Then within a one week span, three people suggested this ridiculous idea, and a heaviness started to build in my chest, as I felt God tugging at my heart.
A few days later I headed into town for groceries, and as I was driving I could hear God’s tender whispering asking me to obey, and if I were willing to trust him, he would equip me for the task. I cried and cried, begging him not to ask me to do such a thing! Then after the silence, I obeyed with feet stomping and huffing and puffing! Sounds contradicting don’t you think?
Well, God is funny that way, he’ll use anyone in any fashion, as long as they come.
The next day I asked, “God what do I name this book?” Then the words Beauty From Ashes came to my heart in the morning. Later that day Rachelle, a friend on FB, sent me a video of a father and his son who had autism. The young man had severe autism and reminded me so much of my son Kyle. Above the video, she tagged her own words Beauty for Ashes. I gasped, I couldn’t have received a more glaring sign than that. That evening, just before I went to bed, Charity sent me the same video and typed, “Mom have you seen this video? This young man reminds me of Kyle.” Two signs in one day. God must have known I was going to waiver in my belief, of whether he had called me to this task, and knew I needed assurance since I lacked the faith.
Then I began to write. I’d sit in front of my computer the first few weeks wondering what to write and just started typing. I did what I had to, to keep my end of the bargain. I wrote in secret for six months. It was alone with God in the mornings. Then I started praying, asking him to help me as I wrote and my writing improved each day. On the days I would doubt whether he really wanted me to write a book, he’d remind me of Rachelle and Charity’s posts.
Then the strangest thing began to happen as I obeyed, I fell in love… with writing!
My unwillingness to write a book reminded me of when we went to Disney World when the kids were young, with our friends the Grabbers. Eythan was ten years old at the time and afraid of roller coasters.
We got tired of taking turns waiting with Eythan outside in the heat when everyone else would go in and hop on a roller coaster. Finally, Vance told Eythan he was going on the next roller coaster, and we weren’t waiting for him anymore. He protested in fear, but Vance guided him all the way to the Rock ‘n’ roller coaster, with Eythan crying and screaming “No, no, no!” but obeying. His dad put him on the roller coaster and sat in the seat beside him, and the coaster took off.
I stood nervously waiting for them. By the time they got back, Eythan had a big grin on his face, and had fallen in love with roller coasters! He was rewarded for trusting his earthly father and was now happy that he had obeyed.
My heavenly father hopped on the roller coaster with me when I came kicking and screaming to write Beauty From Ashes. He never left my side and equipped me for the task along the way. When the roller coaster came to a stop, I was in love with the very job I had hated when I started …. and overjoyed that I had obeyed.
Maybe you have a task God has asked you to do, but you doubt whether you are equipped for the work, or you are afraid to even start. All God asks? Is that you trust him and follow …. even if your feet are dragging💗
Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6 NKJV
Believing and hoping.