Your husband’s self-worth is in his beard. It’s not in his career, bank account, muscles, personality or in his 500 lb deadlift…it’s The Beard. I’m going to explain why you need to keep your opinion to yourself on this delicate subject. Marriage Tip #2: Never Insult The Beard
When we were young and foolish, and I said whatever came to my mind, I made a grave error one day…I insulted THE BEARD.
Ladies I cannot express enough how much this will traumatize your husband for life. It would be the equivalent of you coming out in a new pretty dress and excitedly asking your husband how you look, and he says, “You look fat.”
Yep, it’s bad.
My husband Vance had grown a full beard about twenty-five years ago. One day he finally asked me what I thought of THE BEARD?
“It makes your head look like a basketball.”
Vance looked at me, and I think he was waiting for me to say I was kidding. But I wasn’t, I was dead serious.
“Your head looks round, with a full beard.”
I was back peddling now, trying to explain why, without further wounding his ego. I could see the uncomfortable look on his face. It would be like you belting out your best version of “I Will Always Love You” in front of the judges on America’s Got Talent and having Simon Cowell say, “That was the worst singing I have EVER heard.”
I had humiliated Vance.
The next day THE BEARD was gone. He hung it in the Worst Beards Hall of Fame. I was nominated for The Worst Wives Club
Twenty-five years later, he grew a full beard again. I’m not sure why he was brave enough to face Simon Cowell a second time, but he did. Vance came to me one day and said, “I know you thought my head looked like a basketball last time I grew a full beard, how do I look now?”
Marriage Tip #2: Never Insult The Beard
This time I was much older and wiser, “If you keep your beard trimmed close to your face, I think I’d like it!” Vance goes to the bathroom, trims his beard, comes back and asks me how he looks?
” I love it!” But this time I genuinely meant it, truly I did.
Weeks later we are sitting at the kitchen table in the morning having coffee when Vance says, “I am still traumatized from twenty-five years ago when you said my head looked like a basketball.”
You know the saying: If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing…at all. Wise advice from a woman whose husband had a beard…I think.
To keep your husband’s ego intact, learn to love THE BEARD.
*Marriage disclaimer: Vance approves these posts before I publish them.