You are the million dollars your husband is looking for! There is no greater wealth for a man than to have a wife who adores and admires him. I have learned this first hand in my own marriage, and it took me years to discover this truth.
Marriages today have challenges that weren’t necessarily the same ones our ancestors had hundreds of years ago. There are many distractions today that women back in the old west were not faced with. For the most part, their responsibilities were on the homefront. Today it’s different. Women wear a spinning carousel of hats in this modern era.
Maybe your feeling the challenges of being married and juggling a cart full of responsibilities also. You’ve possibly come to a crossroad and your wondering which direction your love life is heading in and if there’s going to be any scraps left to rescue along the way?
I’m here to give you hope. Being married twenty-nine years to my husband Vance has opened my eyes to the work a marriage takes. Our relationship at one time was a disaster, and I’m using the advice and tools that were given to me along this roller coaster called marriage.
I won’t lie and tell you my marriage is perfect or that I follow these ten tips religiously. I work on them each day, and sometimes I get distracted and need to have a refresher in Marriage 101.
You know that song, Love is a battlefield? This is a good mental picture of most marriages today. Constant bickering and fighting, name calling and slamming of doors may be frequent in your home. You may also have children, and sadly this is what their home looks like. They haven’t told you yet, but your child doesn’t want to come home each day. Home is not a place of refuge to them but a high-stress environment with two parents going to battle regularly.
I’m guessing you have a desire to have a happy nest, and a haven your children and husband are proud of, and will continue to come back to for years to come?
You’re already hoping I will tell you how to change your husband or how to slap him up the side of his thick head. Right???
Sorry to break your bubble, but I will be giving you hard-learned advice on how you can make your husband feel like a champion. Hopefully, you can learn how your actions can slowly cause his heart to soften towards you and your romance will bloom again.
If you activate these ten marriage tips, I believe you may begin to see growth in your marriage.
Give yourself a two week period where you invest in your spouse and rekindle some of the romance you used to love.
1. Compliment your man.
I know what your thinking, there’s nothing nice to say about my husband. That’s where you’re wrong, there’s always something sweet to say. Whether it’s on his appearance, his hard work, his care of the children or dog, or how consistent he is at paying the bills. Find ways each day to compliment him and watch his chest expand. Here are some of the best compliments I have used on my man: Hey, sexy! I love your muscles. Your an awesome father. You work so hard to provide for our family. I’m glad I married you!
There are plenty of women at his workplace that would gladly compliment him. You want to make sure your compliments are the ones that matter the most to him.
Men also love public compliments, especially when you brag about him to his friends or family.
2. Little things matter.
My husband Vance loves chocolate bars, and whenever I’m grocery shopping if I pick him up a chocolate bar, he feels loved. You know that saying, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, there’s a lot of truth in that. It takes me two seconds to grab a candy bar, but puts a smile on my man’s face and the reward is worth it. Maybe you’ll brew the coffee in the morning for your husband or pick up his socks without complaining. The little things matter, so don’t overlook them.
3. Put your husband ahead of your work and children
Whether you work full time in, or outside your home, keeping caps on how much you work will affect your marriage. All work and no play makes for a grumpy day. Your man wants to know you find him more appealing than your job.
Some of you may be gasping when I said he comes ahead of the kids, “What? Put hubby ahead of sweet little Johnny???” Hubby was your first love and if the kids are now ahead of him on your priority list, what does that tell the kids? This is very important. You want your children to see your relationship as number one in your home. If you make your husband your main squeeze, your kids will have an admiration for him that could last right through their adult years.
4. Have common interests.
Common interests can be the cherry on top for many couples. When you sit around the dinner table at night talking with your family (yes people still do this) or if it’s just you and your spouse, if you have no common interests, what do you talk about? News and weather? This can get boring.
When our whole family joined a sport called CrossFit, the bonding we did was incredible. Our dinner table was a constant chatter of what each person was improving in or what our goals were. Vance and I would go to the gym togetherand workout, and we had a lot of fun as a couple. Our marriage blossomed some more.
5. Date Night.
I love date night. Thas to be one of my favorites on the list. We had five kids in just over seven years, having time to ourselves was challenging. We made it a non-negotiable and booked sitters once a week and went out for dinner. You know that song, Kiss Me? That’s how we felt after a night out : as if we had walked beneath the moonlit sky. Diapers, bottles, laundry, and dishes can take over the romance in a relationship, if you let it. So be intentional about having a night out, even if it’s just once a month. It doesn’t have to cost anything: a long walk or a stroll through a park can reignite the spark in a marriage.
Hugs can go a long way especially if you have a spouse who’s love language is physical touch. It’s easy when life is hectic to forget to stop and smell the roses, or stop and give a hug. Slow down as you pass your spouse and just reach out and squeeze him and maybe whisper, I love you. This can dispel a burden of stress and worry.
Okay, your all wondering by now, “Where’s the sex, we all know this is what a man really wants?” You’re a smart woman. I’m not going to tell you how often, since it’s different for every couple. Sex is crucial to a happy and fulfilled marriage. If you spend most of your time on this, you may be able to skip the other nine 😉
7. Freedom to pursue interests.
When we marry we can often gel into one unit and forget we are two separate people, created with different interests, talents, and abilities. Did your spouse use to play basketball, go to a game with friends, or play golf and now these things are hiding in the back of his closet? Our interests and talents can bring us great joy and satisfaction and make us happier, more fulfilled spouses. Giving your husband an hour a week to pursue these, will cause him to cherish you even more because you’re encouraging him to do what he loves. He may start calling you Baby and sing; I‘m Walking On Sunshine.
8. Rest, Sleep and Vacation.
A tired, burnt out spouse is a ticking time bomb. Rest is crucial to our well being and a healthy marriage. Taking turns sleeping in on Saturday or Sunday can revive someone and bring them back from the land of zombies. When Vance use to work in the bush and only be home on the weekends, he would come home exhausted. The kids and I would be piled at the door, all six of us talking his ear off at once. He just needed a bit of time to regroup and unwind before we told him about our week.
Vacations have also gone a long way in giving my husband the rest he needs due to a demanding job and being a caregiver to our twenty-seven-year-old son Kyle, who has autism. When I see my husband in shorts and flip-flops I know I’m also going to get his undivided attention. Happy wife, happy life.
Couch time was a daily rest for Vance. He and I would tell the kids they weren’t to interrupt us while we had couch time. Couch time would be about a half hour each day after dinner. The kids also began to see our relationship was important to us as they watched us interact and share our thoughts, dreams, and goals with each other.
You’ve heard that word a million times, I know. It can’t be said enough. If a man thinks his wife doesn’t trust him, it shakes his confidence and may eventually cause him to give up trying. You can read how Vance and I went through this in my blog post: The Jealous Wife.
Having a trusting wife makes a man feel like he has received one of life’s greatest marital gifts. He can relax knowing she is confident her man isn’t a big flirt or cheat when he leaves the house. You don’t want to be that wife. You can kill your marriage fast with mistrust.
There is no more significant tool for the healing of a marriage than prayer. Since God created marriage, he has all the answers. Bring your husband to him daily in prayer. Many years ago I had an unhappy, unfulfilled marriage. Separately, both my husband and I started praying, asking God to intervene. Slowly but eventually God turned our relationship around. Marriage is hard work, it’s not a walk in the park, although that will help. You can read about our romance and transformation in my true-life novel, Beauty from Ashes.
Well, my dear friends and fellow wives. These tools will hopefully help you reach that man you once fell madly in love with. These gems are not a guarantee, but I’m betting your man would love it if you implemented these ten tips into his life. He may even call you, Gorgeous, and take you on a date underneath the moonlit sky💗
*Men if you made it this far, you can implement all these gems into your wife’s life too. You may find out how amazing your wife really is and bring back the bride you married on your wedding day!
Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:10-12.