“I wouldn’t trade you in for any other man, Vance. You are the best husband I could possibly have. ” I was saying this to Vance as I admired his handsome profile on our way to church. Comparing my husband to other men used to be a regular ritual.
I was reminded of a conversation I had with a friend. Another woman had compared her husband to my friends’ husband. We’ll call my friend Lily.
Lily constantly uplifts her husband and talks about him in positive ways. Another woman had said she wished her husband was like Lily’s. But the difference is Lily doesn’t talk about her husband’s negatives traits to other women. She knows her husband isn’t perfect but has chosen to portray her husband in a positive way
My husband Vance isn’t handy, but I almost never have to pick up after him, he’s very neat. He probably picks up after me more than I do him. If something breaks in our house, it’s probably going to stay that way for ten years. Luckily for Vance, I’m not too concerned that our toilet paper holder has been broke in our main bathroom for a year, and a couple of weeks ago our towel holder broke also. I hung a towel over the screw sticking out of the wall.
I have a GOOD man!
Because Vance isn’t handy, does that mean he lacks in the husband department? Absolutely not! He gives 100% to this marriage every day. Remember… he has to live with me. It’s not always easy living with this lady.
Have you ever scrolled through Instagram or Facebook and seen the memes or comments criticizing husbands. They are a dime a dozen:
It seems like every day I can see a post that says “A good man will…” Imagine if we saw posts by men that said, “A good wife will…” There’d be a few of us women in prison, pretty quickly.
The shoes we have for men to fill are enormous!
I was sitting at a table a few years ago listening to a woman making the most degrading comments about her husband who was in the next room. I remember thinking. Wow, he listens to this every day!
Low and behold eventually I started seeing her husband posting rude memes about women on FB.
Now I have no clue who started it first, but these two were in a battle of the sexes, and eventually one of them was going to kill the other. Before you go thinking I am the perfect wife, I will confess I used to be THAT women. The woman who criticized her man constantly.
Imagine if each of us women decided to outdo each other in uplifting our men and talking highly of them. We might realize we have the best marriages possible.
Last night a friend of ours told me I was a good wife. Let me tell you why. We were having a conversation about men in Hollywood. We got on the topic of a few of them that were having botox or fillers put in their faces and how they looked terrible. Someone brought up Tom Cruise and how he had aged pretty good and didn’t look like he had too much done to his face. Vance commented, “I’m the same age as Tom Cruise.” and I piped up, “Ya, but you look better than him!” That’s when our friend said, “Cindy, you’re a good wife!”
I don’t know if our friend said it because he disagreed with my statement, or he was just being funny. But we all had a good chuckle.
I realized a few years ago putting my husband down and pointing out his flaws was making me look like the bad guy and hurting our marriage. If I hear a woman criticizing the man that is supposed to be able to trust her, I make a mental note that she most likely will be talking behind my back one day too. Plus, if we were really honest with ourselves, there’s plenty our husbands could say about us (I know mine could, but he doesn’t.)
What’s your man like? Is he a good man? Does he come home every night, provide for his family, is he wonderful to his kids and faithful to you?
Let me guess he also lacks in a few glaring areas:
He doesn’t bring you flowers regularly or breakfast in bed. He leaves his socks on the floor. He forgot your anniversary. He watches too much TV. He doesn’t do dishes. He doesn’t compliment you enough…etc.
NEITHER IS ANYONE ELSE’S HUSBAND.
When I reflect and think about myself and ask this question, ‘Would I want to be married to someone like myself?’
Oh my goodness, NOOO!!! Never in a million years, I’d go crazy! Maybe our men are better than we think and we don’t give them enough credit or praise for it.
Comparing My Husband to Other Men
Years ago, I was driving by a yard and saw a dad throwing a ball back and forth with his son. On that particular day I had thought, Boy, he’s a good dad. Vance was really busy working and didn’t have a lot of downtime in his life at that time. I wished my husband could be like that man.
Just a week later someone filled me in on that man. They said he was terribly critical of his son and was constantly berating him and putting him down. The conviction set in quickly. Here I wished my kids had a dad who had more time for them. Although Vance was busy at this stage in parenting, he was an incredible dad and one who was gentle and kind to his children.
On that same drive to church this week, Vance said to me, “You’re a good wife; I wouldn’t change anything about you!”
“I don’t know about that Vance, I think you’d wish I could be a gourmet cook?”
“No, because then you wouldn’t be Cindy. I like the wife I have.” I’m still trying to figure out if that was a compliment.
Appreciate the man you have. The one with all the flaws, but loves you and his kids. He’s the perfect man for you. There’s no ideal husband out there…I promise you, this is true.
But if you learn to love the one you have, uplift and appreciate him…
This is Happily Ever After.