Are you a married woman who hopes her marriage will make it to, happily ever after?You’re not alone, most women have the same thoughts you are having, but there is hope. Further down we will look together at ten tips that will help your marriage to thrive!
A survey of married couples in 2008 who lived in Canada, revealed there were 70, 228 divorces. Statistics Canada is considered a reliable source of how it’s citizens are fairing.
If you find this shocking, then you’re probably asking yourself why so many marriages are falling apart? According to experts, the number one reason marriages end in divorce is communication. Statistics Canada said the number one reason was separation. But long before a couple is separated, they are making choices that are heading in that direction.
I’ve been married twenty-nine years to my husband, Vance. We fall into a different category than most couples. We have a large family (5 kids) and our oldest child, Kyle, has autism. Having a special needs child, especially if they have autism, will send your family’s stress thermometer through the roof. The very fact that Vance and I are still married is a miracle in itself.
Recently a friend suggested I do a post on communication between married couples. My first thought was, how is my own communication within my marriage? It’s not easy to take a step back and analyze your own communication tools.
Vance was the strong silent type when I started dating him, and I was the babbling brook. If he had had all the money in the world when we first married, he would have gladly bought an island and lived on it with our future children and me. We fought a lot, and my man put up with my nastiness. I’m surprised he didn’t choose a one-man-island.
My communication skills as a young bride weren’t always the best. I was an expert on put-downs and criticizing most of what my husband said, and he was happy to stick his nose in a book and read. This was pure torcher for a wife who liked talking and criticizing. Silence can kill.
Over the past twenty-nine years, my husband and I have grown in our marriage and communication skills, but it wasn’t easy. Marriage is hard work! With a lot of determination and prayer, we were able to get to a point where we weren’t trying to kill each other with nasty words or the great silent treatment. We learned to live in peace…most days.
I love this man and never grow tired of living with him. Are Vance and I perfect in the communication department? Absolutely not! But I want to share the things we found helpful.
How can you and I improve our communication skills with our husbands so we can celebrate fifty years of marriage one day? Here are ten powerful tips that will help you and your husband rekindle your romance and decrease your chances of divorce:
- Couch Time. Spending half an hour face to face at the end of each day can improve your relationship tremendously and give each of you a chance to share your worries, hopes and dreams with the other. Yes, even if you have a tribe of little ones, it is imperative to take this time to bond.
- Less Time On The Cell Phone. If you or your spouse are spending too much time on your phones and this is squeezing out the time you could have with each other, your relationship will begin to weaken. When your husband is talking, really genuinely listen to what he is saying, instead of daydreaming about your next Pinterest project. Good communication starts with excellent listening skills.
- Respect. If we consistently put down our husband’s ideas and opinions, he may find someone else to talk to instead. Yelling at your husbands may cause him to shut down completely. Your spouse wants to be adored by you, this means valuing his ideas. Our men don’t want to be treated like children. You want your man want to come back for more time with his favourite person…you.
- Repeat. If you’re not entirely sure you understand your husband’s line of thinking, repeat back to him what he said. If we hear our own words given back to us, sometimes we’ll realize what we said didn’t come across correctly.
- Say It. If you think your husband is an excellent father and good husband, tell him. Don’t just assume your husband can read your mind. He needs to know you think he is the best thing since sliced bread. Even if you are not a ‘words of praise’ person, you need to praise him generously. You don’t want his only affirmation to come from his coworkers.
- Texting. Send your husband messages in the morning that can be read on the lunch break; “I love you” “Hey handsome” “Thanks for….” Guaranteed you’ll put a smile on his face and make him hurry home after work.
- Date Night. Sometimes an evening away from our noisy and busy homes can help us communicate better. If you can swing a coffee date or dinner out, go for it! You will have an uninterrupted evening to share your thoughts with one another. Plus you’ll gain some sanity. Make a mental list of things you’d like to talk about together without the kids around.
- Cut Back Work. If your working like a mad dog and have no time to spend with your husband, your best communicating will be with your coworkers instead of him. Cut back on your work hours if possible, to give some TLC to your spouse. We need quantity time together not just quality. It takes time to build a stable marriage, what you put in, is what you get out.
- Dinner Table. One of the best communication tools is food. People relax around the dinner table and tend to open up more. If you are a whirlwind family, make dinner a priority in your lives. Sit at a table instead of in front of your TV. Get rid of the phones and distractions and spend a quality hour together. When our daughter was in high school, and her teacher did a survey on how many families had dinner together it was 2 out of 25 in her class. Make dinner a happy time in your marriage and family. The Dinner table should be a safe place to share your day without criticism.
- Prayer. When a couple is struggling one of their most significant communication tools is prayer. Talking to God each day together will indeed be one of the excellent tools that will enhance your marriage like no other. This is when we are vulnerable together and really see each other’s needs, and it causes us to understand one another’s fears and hopes. Pray for your husband daily, it will change his life.
*These also work in reverse if your husband uses these tools.
Do you want to sweep that divorce rate right out of your home? Communicating purposely, respectfully, and lovingly with your husband will help reduce your chances of being one of those statistics.
Let your man know he’s a priority in your world. Take time out of every day to make him feel valued and respected, by listening to his goals, dreams and desires.
You might end up living happily ever after💗
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.- Ephesians 4: 29-32
Believing and hoping,