Some see me as a superhero: the autism-mom with the cape. But I’m just like you, I have days I wish I could be a better mom. But I’m just a mom learning life’s lessons, and I’m trying to see beauty in the chaos of autism.
Lately, my head has been spinning. It’s been a few months since Kyle has had a week where he wants to be out each day, and autism rules the roost. My husband listens to me vent all the way into town for our date.
He’s a smart man. He says nothing. He just listens.
I’m at an age where I feel entitled to quiet and serenity. Too much noise clutters my soul. But autism is noisy.
A few days later, I go out on our porch, it’s a stormy day. I love storms. There’s something about watching nature being pushed to its limits and witnessing its survival.
It reminds me of the beauty in the chaos of autism.
I also admire and am quieted by God’s powerful creation and I sit in awe.
When I’m in front of my computer writing and creating, or scrolling my phone. I don’t have that sense of being in a close intimate circle with my Heavenly Father. Throw in the noises of autism and I can begin to feel anxiety rising.
I NEED to unplug completely.
When Kyle is home with his staff caring for him. Our side porch is one of the only places I can go to have quiet. When I am overwhelmed, I can hear God calling me. He knows I need time with Him.
I’m crabby, I’m anxious and I’m tired…and I’m trying to do it all on my own.
That’s not how God designed us. He created us to NEED Him. When we think we don’t need him, is when we start to fall apart. I have known Him to allow me to go through great storms.
Bending me. Breaking me. Beautifying me.
Yes, it hurts, and yes, it’s painful, and yes I’ve grown to love the storms; because after I’m through them, I see the new growth, the new branches, and the new leaves.
God loves you and me too much to leave us as we are. Storms are when we cling, we pray, we grow, and we beautify.
Ride the storms: but remember their only worth it if you cling to God and allow him to graft something beautiful into your life when it’s over.
Peace. Joy. Love. Hope…beauty in the chaos of autism.
After the porch, I feel renewed. God reminds me to be thankful for Kyle’s wonderful staff. I also realize how fortunate I am to have Kyle in my life; he gives the best hugs, the biggest smiles, and seems to find joy during the storm he’s never been free from.
Humble teachings from my son. Ramblings of a mom. Lessons learned in life’s honest moments.
Do you feel the bending also? What do you do to cope? Do you have any strategies you’d like to share?
*To learn more about autism visit: Autism Speaks