How To Kill Your Husband With An Instant Pot

Has your cooking ever come close to killing your husband? Well, I’ve had a few near misses in the kitchen with my husband Vance over the years, but recently this one was the closest I came to almost killing him…and I wasn’t even angry in the moment.

Recently I bought an Instant Pot at Canadian Tire. My hairdresser, Kristine, (who is not only good with hair but keeps me laughing, I’m pretty sure a reality TV show could come out of this Salon) was telling me about how marvellous the Instant Pot was! Now you have to know I severely lack in the cooking department, especially if it’s food cooked in a frying pan. My oven or crock pot I can handle and food comes out looking reasonably good. But I’m awesome in the baking department. You name it, I can bake it! Pies, tarts, bread, cookies, squares…easy peasy.

When Kristine told me almost anything that goes into the Instant Pot comes out amazingly tender and delicious, I saw it as my opportunity to finally get the praise of all my friends and family for my delightful delectables.  Maybe I would even reach a new height of stardom and be featured on a cooking show…pipe dreamer!

But I was scared of my Instant Pot!

Apparently, you can really hurt yourself with a pressure cooker. Seriously, do you own one and have you harmed yourself using it? I want to know because I’m pretty sure there’s no website for reporting the loss of your eyeballs in an Instant Pot session.

Reading instructions is not my cup of tea, I’d rather just wing most adventures. But I really did read the manual, and later in some note off by itself, it said, “DO NOT LEAVE THE LID ON WHEN IN SAUTE MODE.” I had it on SAUTE to brown the meat first.

I look over at the beast.

Oops, the lid was on.

PANIC!!! Now, What do I do???

Call for my husband of course, and have him sacrifice his life.

He comes to the rescue and braves the chance of losing his eyebrows and nose hairs by courageously taking the lid off for me. At this point in the story, he’s still alive.

Eventually, I get the 10 lbs of ribs into the Instant Pot. Yes, you read it right, it really was ten pounds. We have five kids and two bonus kids and I have learned to always have LOTS of food on hand because at least four nights a week we have one of our children eating with us.

Earlier in the day my daughter Charity and I had gone shopping in the USA and I had noticed I could get ten pounds of ribs for $20 at Meyers and grabbed them as I balanced my Starbucks Hazelnut Coconut Mocha in the other hand and lifted the heavy suckers into my cart. This is where my CrossFit gym membership comes in handy!

Recently I returned to CrossFit after a year off of being ill and had packed on a few pounds, ten to be exact as I ate gluten for the past three months for a celiac test and was ballooning quickly. Friends and readers whether you’re a person who has celiac disease or not, I’m here to tell you that stuff will pack weight on you so fast it’s incredible.

Anyways…

So back to the ribs, they were an inferior cut but, hey they were going in the POT, so why not? Everything turns out in that contraption, right???

Finally, the ribs are in the Instant Pot with the honey garlic sauce. Well not really. I didn’t put any garlic in, and I substituted the honey for maple syrup since we own a maple syrup company, Superior Maple Products.

Half an hour later I was pretty sure maple ginger sauce shouldn’t be coming out of the steam release valve. Hmmm, I’m not really sure what we are supposed to do with that???. I looked it up in the troubleshooting manual. Apparently, this is a problem no one else experiences except me.

So I leave it…and wait…since I’m too scared to unplug it!

When the POT is done I call Vance to come heroically brave the elements again and take the lid off, but wait he says, “What about the steam valve?”

“I think it releases on its own, it must have already released,” I tell him

He fiddles with the valve, and about a billion pounds of steam comes flying out. We just look at each other. Superman just came and saved my life!!! I would have turned that lid and killed myself or at the very least went through the roof of our house and landed on my mother-in-law’s front step next door… I’m here for coffee…surprise!!!

I put it in saute mode and thicken the sauce, and the POT is boiling like there’s no tomorrow. That thing gets SUPER DUPER HOT!

*Do not leave your Instant Pot unattended if you have small children around.

Finally, the big moment arrives and my son Devyn dropped in for dinner, and I give him a forkful of ribs to try. He tells me they are YUMMY!!! I can see the bright lights now, Chef Cindy will be on Master Chef Instant Pot show when it comes out one day… okay maybe not.

I sampled the ribs, and they were so tender! Vance sees me devouring the meat and says, “Are we eating now?” I tell him I’m just taste testing. We all know this is a must for an outstanding chef… to taste-test a pound of ribs before dinner.

The odd piece was gristly and a bit tough, but on the whole, a poor cut of meat turned out very well! The three of us sat down, and we polished off about eight pounds of ribs in one sitting. I feel as fat as a house when we are done, my belly is full, but I’m a happy Instant Pot chef.

I wish I had a recipe for you, but I’m pretty sure you don’t want maple ginger sauce coming out your steam valve, so I will wait till I figure out how to use the Instant Pot safely, so I don’t kill my readers. I really do value each of you and how you have enriched my life (insert group hug here).

I almost killed my husband on March 28, 2017, with my Instant Pot experience. But I’m thrilled to tell you he is alive and well and about five pounds heavier. I’m definitely going to be using this magical, you’re an excellent chef, tool in the future. Tonight we have company for dinner, and it’s Korean Beef…6 pm can’t come soon enough!

If I don’t kill anyone or blow the roof off my house, I’ll share the recipe because after all who wants recipes from someones who’s a fantastic cook? Wouldn’t you instead want to get recipes from someone who is an average cook but their fairy godmother waved her wand and dropped her an Instant Pot, and now her food is incredible?

Ya, that’s what I thought you might say…just a little humour for you today.

Happy Instant Potting💗